The Talk of Gathering
In many homes and classrooms, parents and teachers are wrestling with the best strategies for talking with children about the people and events headlining our current news. Humanitarian concerns and environmental concerns bring questions of big worry from our children. Bigotry espoused by politicians, athletes, and artistic icons contradict our notions of leadership. Talking with children about difficult subjects is not a new parenting challenge, though our current climate appears to be testing the skills of even the most expert and experienced. This year’s Thanksgiving holiday is nearly upon us. Amidst the planning and preparation for the potatoes and the pies, we will be well-served by a deliberate approach to the conversations that emerge in the company of family and friends.
Our job as adults is not to have an answer for all of our children’s worries nor to have a solution for all of our world’s complexities. Instead, our work is to set up our children to face their own concerns and to develop their own perspectives by providing them with anchoring values and ethical frameworks. Children will learn and be led by the values espoused by their parents on long car rides, in casual conversations, and during dining table debates. When children hear that the opinions of their parents are informed by fundamental beliefs, they develop strategies for sorting through their own perspectives. They develop empathy for situations outside of their own experiences. They become grounded with an approach for solving problems. They have a way of thinking about the world that provides them security and agency.
It’s my experience that the table for a family feast can host robust debates amidst a multigenerational crowd: the presence of raisins in the stuffing, the value of a pumpkin pie, and the age at which one graduates from the children’s table. Joyful, memorable, and accessible to all, these conversations provide evidence to our children that reasonable minds can differ, that a strongly held conviction can exist right alongside another. As the debates veer into the socio-political landscape, our children learn as well. They hear a diversity of opinions and benefit from knowing the fundamental values that inform those differing perspectives. Let’s use the gathering table and the time ahead with family and friends to communicate our values and our vision for the world in which our children will engage.
May your gatherings ahead be full of joy and humor and love.
Warmly,
Virginia
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